Thursday, September 16, 2010

Best "Always Sunny" Episodes


In celebration of the new season of It's Alway Sunny in Philadelphia, premiering tonight, I have compiled the top episodes.  I am assuming that the reader has watched each of these episodes and just doing a short-hand of the best parts for each of the best episodes.  At the end I will name the top 5 episodes.

Season 1 - Episode 6 "The Gang Finds A Dead Guy":
Charlie had two great lines: "I'll get the gasoline" and "Sad throw-away culture".  Dee terrified of old people at the hospital.  Charlie comes to the door in a full Nazi uniform eating a banana.  They burn the uniform, but Charlie keeps the hat.





1-7 "Charlie Got Molested":
Dennis, Dee and Mac talking about whether Charlie got blown or not.  Then Mac freaking out that he didn't get molested.  Mac: "What do you want me to do?" Charlie: "In a way, my life is ruined.  In the meantime, I'm going to go into the back office and cry and cry and cry and drink for a while."

2-4 "Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom":
The cold opening is among the best for the show "Oh, shit."  Dennis: "I'm not doing Charlie work" and then his plan to blackmail Charlie, "You're not going to get away with this".  Then Charlie convinces Mac to have sex with Dennis' mom and then Dennis to have sex with Mac's mom, who calls Dennis ugly.  Also http://isntover.ytmnd.com/.

2-8 "The Gang Runs for Office":  Lots of good quotations in this one.  Frank: "You have to be a real low-life piece of shit to get involved in politics".  Mac: "Who gives a shit? We're doing it for the bribe."  Frank: "A woman in politics is like a donkey doing calculus." and "Hobovertising".  "Who's the nerd now? Bitch!"  Then the script that Charlie wrote for Dennis: "Hello fellow American.  This you should vote me.  I leave power good. Thank you.  Thank you.  If you vote me I'm hot.  Taxes.  They'll be lower.  Sun.  The democratic vote for me is right thing to do Philadelphia. So do."

3-2 "The Gang Gets Invincible":  
Dennis and Mac: "There are plenty of other sports that women can try out for, like cooking, complaining to your friends about your boyfriend, playing at ballet, cleaning, displaying cars at auto shows in tiny bikinis, and when you get older you can play bridge together."  Also to Dee, "You have bones like glass" "Your body is like 90% scoliosis."  Then the inner monologue when Dennis is running to catch the football is hilarious.  Frank trapped in the RV bathroom, "I can help.  Crawl into my mouth" "I don't think I can fit" "Sure you will.  Just go one leg at a time!" "Ok, into the toilet I go"  Then Green Man and Frank standing in the trash can.  Artemis: "I think he took a dump in there".  "So your bones are made out of glass!"

3-9 "Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person":
Dee: "You think I wouldn't know if the
guy I'm dating is retarded?"
Dennis to Dee: "You're picking him up? Huh, that's funny because people who aren't retarded usually drive.  Retarded 1, normal 0."
"Retarded 4, normal 0" "Whoa, hold on a second, where did 4 come from?" "Ok let's see.  There's the driving, the drooling in the yearbook, the overcoming the odds, the living with the mom, now the special thing.  You know what, it's not 4, it's 5!"
This episode is also the beginning of Night Man.  Mac: "It sounds like a song where a man breaks into your house and rapes you."

Here is the song as Charlie sings it:
"Those are lyrics"
"Just two men sharing the night
It might seem wrong but it's just right
It's just two men sharing each other
It's just two men like loving brothers
One on top, and one on bottom
One inside, and one is out
One is screaming he's so happy
The other's screaming a passionate shout
It's the Night Man
The feeling so wrong it's right man
The feeling so wrong...
I can't fight you man when you come inside me
And pin me down your strong hands
And I'll become the Night...
The passionate, passionate Night Man."

4-2 "The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis":
Mac goes on a roll at the beginning of this episode.  Mac to Dennis "You're the looks, I'm the brains and Charlie is the wildcard".  Charlie: "Whoa, that's awesome!"
Big breasted women chart
"Every great crew in history has followed that basic dynamic.  The A-Team did it.  Scooby-Doo did it. The Ghostbusters did it.  Our problem is that we don't stick to that basic format, and it gets us into trouble"
Also: "We are getting plowed in the ass by the oil companies and the gas companies, with their ten gallon hats and their rotten, ass-plowing hearts. So, as the brains of this organization I came up with a plan. It involves pulling up our boot straps, oiling up a couple of asses, and doing a little plowing of our own...not gay sex."
Dennis to Charlie: "You can't pull a wild card when I already have my shirt off, that should be a rule" "Well your shirt's not off" "Now it is, god-dammit bitch!"
Dee to Frank: "Bruce is not banging any baby-dudes!"
Then Frank water-boards Dee in a urinal at Paddy's.  
Wildcard bitches! Yeeeeee-haw!
4-8 "Paddy's Pub: The Worst Bar in Philadelphia":  
The review: "The first thing I noticed about Paddy's Pub is its charm. It has none. There was an ominous feeling that you could get stabbed at any moment. When I ordered a glass of wine, not only did the surly white trash waitress refuse to make it, but she proceed to call me a word that I cannot print in this paper. I was forced to listen to the three classless boors who call themselves the owners get drunk and yell over each other all night. Having reviewed every bar in Philadelphia, I hereby officially declare Paddy's Pub to be the worst bar in Philly."
"Can you ask your friend to
put down that hammer please?"
Charlie to the rest of the gang after kidnapping the reviewer:  "Relax, I drove him around in a circle for a while, okay, so he wouldn't know where he was or how far away he'd gone." Dennis: "But then you brought him back to a place where he's already been, and plus, he just heard everything you just said."
Dee: "You like white wine. I know that.  Um, also, do you want me to bring you some lipstick with that?"
"Here's the deal. I didn't feel like opening up a bottle of wine so I brought you some scotch 'cause I feel like that's what writers should drink."
"If I had to write an article about you, it would say that you're very negative. The headline might be: 'Most negative man in the world calls other people white trash to make himself not feel so faggy'."
The second review: "I woke up in my neighbor's bed with a head wound, yesterday's paper, and an empty bottle of sleeping pills, and my nightmare in that putrid, shithole of a bar, Paddy's Pub, finally, mercifully came to an end.  The owners all deserve to rot in jail, though having to spend every day with each other in that violent establishment is a decidedly greater punishment. That is why I decided to not press charges leaving 'em to live in the hell on earth that they've created for themselves for the rest of their pathetic and miserable lives."

4-13 "The Nightman Cometh":  
"Song? Or no song?"

Charlie: "I wrote a musical.  It's pretty damn good, okay? I want to put it on." Mac: "Right. What's your angle?"
Charlie to Frank: "You're going to play the troll guy." Frank: "I'm the troll guy?" Charlie: "Who else would be the troll?"
Charlie to Dee: "It's a metaphor." Dee: "You keep using that word, but I'm not convinced you know what it means. And also, I'm not making out with Dennis later."
"Laughs are cheap.
I'm going for gasps."
Mac: "I think we have to be very careful about how we do the rape scene." Charlie: "What in God's name are you talking? There's no rape scene." Mac: "Well, sure, I pay the troll toll, and then I rape Dennis."









Day Man Song audio:


"Well I didn't ever sign anything,
so I'll see you tomorrow?"
5-4 "The Gang Gives Frank an Intervention":  
The Garbage Pail cousin,
Gail the Snail
Frank goes off the deep end and introduces drinking wine out of soda cans.  
Charlie: "I never see him. If he is around, he's usually not even wearing clothes."  Frank: "I'm wearing clothes now, bitch."  Dee: "You're wearing a shirt that's on inside out and it's covered in grease."  Frank: "It's not grease. It's sap.  Dee: "Sap? How did you get covered in sap?"  Frank: "I got really wasted."  Mac:  "You're really stepping up the insanity, huh?"
"What kind of a person salts another human being? It's terrible."  "There's no joy in salting someone. Everyone loses."
"You said Night Crawlers and now I feel like I can't move past it.  I gotta know what that is."
"I'm giving Frank a handy
under the table"
"By the way, you guys, can I just say, as a side note, I am loving this canned wine thing.  I think it's brilliant.  Right?  I'm active.  I'm gesturing with my hands, and I don't feel restricted.  If I was holding a wine glass, I'd be spilling wine all over the goddamn place.  It would get everywhere.  We're not intervening on Frank for a lack of good ideas."
"Look, Snail, back off, because you're just mashing it now."

5-12 "The Gang Reignites the Rivalry":  
The ban's been lifted
"They very, very unfairly accused us of poisoning our rival team." "You got framed?" "No, we did poison the shit out of them, but they didn't have any proof."
To Dee: "This year we're gonna jam it right up their butt holes.  Yeah, me, Dennis and Charlie will jam their butt holes.  You're not gonna come anywhere near their butt holes. Let us handle the butt holes."
"Flip! Flip! Flip-a-delphia!"




"What's going on is that you just drank a cup of poison!"
Top 5:
#5: "Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom"
#4: "Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person"
#3: "The Gang Reignites the Rivalry"
#2: "The Nightman Cometh"
#1: "The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis"  Charlie screaming "wildcard, yeee-haw!" with a cowboy hat on and then jumping out of the back of a moving van may be the funniest thing I've ever seen on TV.

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